Warning: this is not a fluffy, “go take a bath”, and “eat some chocolate” piece on self-care. This piece asks you to look at the dirty messes you have been avoiding, and unleash the energy of the vulture onto it, to digest the unpleasant emotion and transform it into nourishment.
This past couple of days I felt emotionally heavy. A lot of what I’m feeling actually feels more like ancestral karma than my own stuff – but no matter the cause or reason, I am in the depths of despair over it, feeling it, needing to process it somehow. It’s that dark shadow feeling where things aren’t right but you’re not exactly sure what’s wrong, it’s not anything specific you can put a finger on. I won’t bore you with the details of all the craziness swirling around in my monkey mind, but let’s just say I’m experiencing some deep seated issues around feminism, personal wealth, and power. It is particularly frustrating when these feelings come up for me and my partner because it can feel like I’m not grateful or happy – which really isn’t the case. I am incredibly grateful and happy, yet part of me feels a deep sadness, and now I must deal with it.
Some of the work I know I need to do to clean up my psyche and be healthy, happy, and whole includes facing all of the dark thoughts within myself, sitting with it all and processing it. I’ve been trying to look at my crazy mind – not to judge it or react to it, just look at it and see what it is trying to tell me. What lies under the thoughts, what is the feeling behind it all, the root? Looking at the crazy parts of myself and loving even the parts I don’t like has been tough, but I continue to take this journey. Getting comfortable with the darker parts of ourselves and loving ourselves and our crazy minds can be a very important form of self-love and self-care.
Disclaimer: I’m not a mental health professional, and although I possess some knowledge of trauma inclusivity I have not integrated trauma research into this article, so some of what I’m outlining may not be appropriate for you if you are working through trauma. However, for most of the other stuff, the stuff we don’t want to look at that is not trauma – let’s talk about how to find harmony with it…
As I sat down today with my spirit animal deck, feeling heavy with emotions, I asked the universe what energy could help me work through my current situation. The Vulture card jumped out of the deck at me! I remember the first time I ever drew this card – I thought surely it was a “bad” sign, not the card I wanted to pull; it’s not a cute, strong, or regal animal. But upon further research I grew to appreciate this card, and what it tells me when I pull it. It was perfect for me.
The vulture spirit animal is the purifier, essential for harmony and re-balance of our personal and collective ecosystem. “This bird balances our ecosystem and prevents the spread of disease, it does the dirty work that no one else wants to do and cleans up our messes” (The Wild Unknown Animal Spirit Deck, by Kim Krans). The vulture can digest anything, and shows us we can digest the harmful thoughts and negativity we wallow in. It makes me think of the saying “without darkness, there is no light.” The vulture allows us to feast on the darkness within us – eat up every last disgusting morsel we turn away from, the stuff we don’t want to think, feel, or say. The vulture possesses the strength and ability to take care of it, and even transform it – ushering in the light, the lesson, the wisdom within all of the darkness we didn’t want to face.
Using this energy as an ally, I did a few things to help these heavy feelings move through in a nourishing way rather than bypassing them, or letting them become toxic external projections:
- Try some energy work (qigong) to stir things up – and then sit quietly to let the dust settle down into the earth.
- Long audible exhales can be a useful tool for release as well.
- Chanting loudly, feeling the power in my voice, helps me connect with my strength and find the patience to move through this.
- Bringing in more rest and restorative practices with a notion of letting go, releasing my worries as I release my muscles.
How can you commit to moving through the emotional waves of your life? Finding time to process, and release? Taking a day to cry, scream, wallow, be? Everyone’s journey is different – finding tools to help you release and move through rather than breezing over it can help you clean up your internal environment, rebalance, and feel more harmony… just like our friend the vulture.
Allison Miller offers an online virtual yoga membership (www.AllisonMiller.yoga). A yoga, mindfulness, and wellness educator, she offers accessible yoga to help you feel better in your body. Flexibility is not required – she teaches functional movements that will help you maintain range of motion, improve balance, relax, and decrease stress. Allison is hopeful she can help you realize the value of a slower, more mindful style of yoga while helping you quiet the mind and connect with your inner wisdom.
